Friday, February 19, 2010
Lent
I gave up complaining for Lent...but that doesn't mean I cannot chronicle the exploits of apple squirrels, stand by for more stories with a matter of fact approach for the next 40 days...if anyone stumbles upon this.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Surprised You Know What Vodka Is
Dear Farmhand Hat Convention at Table 44,
As I sat and watched Michigan State attempt a comeback in vain, I spotted you parking your vehicle, sideways across three spaces. You didn't even have a trailer, that's strike one. Collectively, the four of you knocked enough mud and assorted shit all over the floor. It was snowing all day long, I understand you were at the fairgrounds but did you seek out the mud pen? That's strike two. After mimicking one another's orders all around the table you grabbed your drinks and asked where the smoking section was. Obviously, you're not from around here, I dutifully informed you of the smoking ban that has been in effect for two years now. This means it's old news, not fodder for conversation through the course of your meal. That's strike three, I should have seen the writing on the wall.
After making change for 2 $100 bills you all collectively stiffed me, costing me 2% of your sales and for all you know, restricting my ability to feed my imaginary fish. I sincerely hope you have a terrible time at the fairgrounds doing whatever you're doing at your white hog convention. Luckily for me, students with futures and no overalls came in to make up for your total absence of generosity. Here's a tip, since you lack the ability to leave one, it's never too late for charm school.
AJBL
As I sat and watched Michigan State attempt a comeback in vain, I spotted you parking your vehicle, sideways across three spaces. You didn't even have a trailer, that's strike one. Collectively, the four of you knocked enough mud and assorted shit all over the floor. It was snowing all day long, I understand you were at the fairgrounds but did you seek out the mud pen? That's strike two. After mimicking one another's orders all around the table you grabbed your drinks and asked where the smoking section was. Obviously, you're not from around here, I dutifully informed you of the smoking ban that has been in effect for two years now. This means it's old news, not fodder for conversation through the course of your meal. That's strike three, I should have seen the writing on the wall.
After making change for 2 $100 bills you all collectively stiffed me, costing me 2% of your sales and for all you know, restricting my ability to feed my imaginary fish. I sincerely hope you have a terrible time at the fairgrounds doing whatever you're doing at your white hog convention. Luckily for me, students with futures and no overalls came in to make up for your total absence of generosity. Here's a tip, since you lack the ability to leave one, it's never too late for charm school.
AJBL
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